I Am the Prodigal Son

May 19, 2010

Hi all. I recently dug up this article I once wrote for a church newsletter. Although I wrote it several years ago, I think it’s still pertinent, so I thought I’d share it. As always, thanks for reading!

Rembrandt's "Return of the Prodigal Son"

While Jesus was having dinner at Levi’s house, many tax collectors and “sinners” were eating with him and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the “sinners” and tax collectors, they asked his disciples, “Why does he eat with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?”

On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Mark 2:15-17, NIV

I’ve always been a good person – a rule follower, and like the Pharisees, I struggle with arrogance and hypocrisy and with thinking I can do it on my own. So I must admit that it’s easier for me to identify with the Pharisees in this story than with the tax collectors and “sinners.” For that reason, Jesus’ statement here always used to bother me. It seemed to me that Jesus was telling the Pharisees, “Back off! I’m here for these people you call ‘sinners;’ I’m not here for you.” As someone who identified with the Pharisees, I found this disturbing.

It was an encounter with another gospel story that helped me come to grips with what Jesus was saying here. One Monday morning during my junior year of college, my creative writing professor decided to open class with a story. From her King James Bible, she read us the parable of the prodigal son, and she told us, “I’ve always identified with the older brother in this story, but I recently realized something that I’d always known but never really assented to; I realized I am the prodigal son.”

“I am the prodigal son.” I too have known this all my life, but just as I had always identified with the Pharisees, I had also seen myself in the role of the obedient, yet unhappy older brother in the story of the prodigal son. But the truth is, as a sinner saved by grace, I am the prodigal son. I am the one who has been forgiven much. I was dead in my sin until Christ saved me.

Only when we realize the depth of our need and the extent of our own sinfulness are we able to experience the joy that comes from grace. When Jesus told the Pharisees that he had “not come to call the righteous, but sinners,” he was not telling the Pharisees that they were excluded from salvation; he was challenging them to recognize their own sinfulness in order that they too could be saved. Jesus is a friend of sinners, and that includes not only those who are guilty of murder and adultery, but also those who are guilty of hypocrisy, arrogance, and cowardice. The Pharisees’ problem was not that their sins were the wrong kind of sins for Jesus to forgive; their problem was that they never sought forgiveness.

It is a humbling experience to discover our true role in the story of salvation. We were dead in our sin, and because of Christ’s life, death, and resurrection, we have been given life. Even those of us who are like the Pharisees or the prodigal son’s older brother – rule-following church-goers, not outwardly rebellious – are sinners saved only by grace. God’s grace is the one thing that can transform people who are spiritually dead into living heirs of God.

The good news is this: Christ died to save sinners, and as fallen human beings, you and I fit that category perfectly. Your sin is neither too great nor too small to be forgiven. So, whether you are a Pharisee or a “sinner,” if you humbly confess your sins to Christ, you can take joy in the knowledge that you are forgiven much.


Creative Inspirations, Part 2: Grace

May 5, 2010

Yesterday I wrote that one my creative inspirations is change. Seeing change not only inspires me in art; it inspires me in life. I see people making positive changes in their lives and world, and I want to do the same. Recently, for example, I’ve made some changes to the way I shop and the way I clean my home. The results: I’m saving money and treating the environment a little bit better.

I love making positive changes like this. I love the way I feel when I get it right. But I’ve found that I can only get it right for so long before I fail. And sometimes I fail badly. I choose wrong, and I get stuck. What I long for is a huge change, one I can’t accomplish on my own. I want to be transformed; I want to be redeemed. And for that, I desperately need God’s grace.

You probably know what grace is, but it doesn’t hurt to refresh your knowledge, so I’ll tell you again: Grace is God’s love and favor, given freely, not because of anything that we’ve done. It is the means of our salvation.

And that really inspires me. It makes me want to tell redemption stories and express transformation through art.

I don’t understand God’s grace, but I write about it anyway, because I think it is one thing really worth writing about. When I catch a glimpse of it, when I see that God, in all his hugeness, holiness, and power, genuinely cares about and even likes me … it makes me want to laugh. Maybe it’s because grace takes me by surprise. Grace is overwhelming and delightful and also somehow very funny. So often I feel lost and confused and like I don’t know anything, but I get this faint glimpse of something better, and it makes me want to laugh. It makes me want to create.

Grace inspires me. What inspires you?

The Heart Nebula


The Leaping Rabbit Turns One! (Almost)

April 27, 2010

Anyone wanting to contribute a real cupcake to celebrate this milestone ... feel free.

This blog is just about to celebrate its first birthday. As I approach this milestone, I am taking time to consider what this space is and what I would like it to be:

  • I want to share the beautiful things I find. Oftentimes, these are stories that ring true and stories that keep me turning the pages to find out what happens next. Other times, they are songs, poems, or good food. When I experience something beautiful, I want others to know about it. Beauty is for sharing.
  • I want to spark your creativity. Sometimes, I read a book and get an idea for a poem, or I read a poem that conjures up an image that I want to draw or paint. Other times, I notice a friend exercising their creativity, and I think, “They’re being creative; why can’t I?” Whatever your creative medium, I hope I can offer some inspiration.
  • I want to encourage you in the fight to be creative. It takes an effort to make things; it’s much easier not to make anything at all: not to write, not to draw or dance or paint. I write to remind you that your creativity does matter.
  • I want to practice sharing my creative work with others. I could hide my writing and art and never share it, reasoning that it’s not good enough to share. But that is not what creativity is for. It is meant to be shared. I write this blog to be vulnerable and to share the gifts I have, knowing that nothing I write is perfect, but it still needs to be shared. I hope that by doing so, I can encourage you to share your creativity with others too.
  • I want to tell you something true, sharing what I’ve learned from my own experience. This means being honest, which is also a good practice. It means making sure that what I write lines up with the truth about Jesus, the truth about people, and the truth about life. I don’t know it all, but I’ll try to share what I do know.

Thanks for sticking with me as I head into year 2. I am grateful for each person who has taken the time to read. You encourage me.


Superheroes & Alter Egos

March 22, 2010

My high school notebooks are full of sketches of superheroes – not Batman or Wolverine, but superheroes I made up. They were always girls like me, who happened to have superpowers. Yeah, I admit I imagined myself as a superhero. And I’m guessing you’ve done the same.

I’ve heard it said that superhero stories sell because we like the idea of powerful beings swooping down from the skies to save us from all our troubles. But I don’t think that’s it. We don’t see ourselves as helpless bystanders; we identify with the heroes – and with their alter egos. Spiderman is Peter Parker; Superman is Clark Kent. To protect their identities, they have to appear common and weak most of the time. We relate to this. We think:

It may look to you like I’m just an ordinary guy – maybe even kind of a loser. Just some dorky kid who’s nice, but socially awkward. Maybe you think all I do is come to work at my boring job. But that’s not really who I am. If you knew who I really was, you’d be amazed. I’m not a nobody; I’m a somebody. I am so much more than I appear to be.

We are right to believe we are more than cogs in society’s machine, more than a link in the food chain. We are made in God’s image. God knows us and loves us. Therefore, each person is more than he appears. In C.S. Lewis’s lecture “The Weight of Glory,” he talks about how our deepest longings point to our true purpose – to know and be known by God. Each person is an eternal being who can choose to either accept or reject God’s love. It’s a choice between Heaven and Hell. Lewis says,

There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations—these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit—immortal horrors or everlasting splendors…. Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses.

You are not ordinary. You are not defined by your job or the way you appear to others. And neither is anyone else. As Lewis writes, “It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics.”


Don’t Worry; Keep a Journal

February 27, 2010

I am a serious worrier. If I’m not worrying, my brain becomes alarmed. “Something is wrong!” it cries. It rummages around and finds some problem in the world, some person in my life, or some event looming in my future for me to consider. Then it sits back and lets the worrying begin anew. Thanks, brain.

Sometimes when I am caught up in fears about the future, I sit down with my journal, and record as much as I can about the present. I did it today. I wrote about the soy latte I was drinking; about the Vancouver Winter Olympics; about how the trees are all blossoming early this year; about the short stories and poetry I am writing; about my church.

My current journal will soon be full, and I will put it on a shelf with the other notebooks I’ve filled over the years. When I open it again five years from now, my ramblings of the past few months will have transformed into a story. The theme of this story will be God’s faithfulness. I know this, because this is the theme of every journal I have filled over the years, even if I didn’t know it at the time.

It is good for me to look at my old journals, because I not only worry about the future; I also idealize the past. I tend to recall the past as a simpler time, when happiness came more easily. But when I read my old journals, I see that I was as full of questions, worries and doubts as I am now. The real difference is my perspective.

As I write in my journal, I know that today’s entry is just another chapter in a long story. I don’t know whether the next chapter will be primarily comic or tragic. But this is the story of God’s Spirit working in me to make me more like Christ. He will finish the work he has started. So I don’t need to worry; this is a good story.

Even if you don’t journal regularly, try taking time every now and then to write about what is happening in your life. Try this: Start a page with the phrase, “Now is the time …” and complete the sentence in as many ways as possible. You’ll discover all kinds of things that make this time in your life a unique part of your story.


Lent and God’s Love

February 17, 2010

Today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. Lent is relatively new to me. Growing up in a charismatic Protestant church, I knew of Lent only through novels and movies with Catholic characters. It was part of a religion I didn’t quite belong to.

When I learned about the traditional church calendar, I came to see Lent as a time for reflecting upon Jesus’ suffering and death, for recalling Jesus as a man of sorrows, familiar with grief. Lent was a time to abstain from worldly things.

I started observing Lent during college. I never gave up dessert or caffeine, but one year I tried to meditate on the “Suffering Servant” passage in Isaiah. Another year I gave up listening to the radio while in the car, because I thought the silence would be good for me. Mostly it just frustrated me.

Last year, Lent snuck up on me. I turned on my car radio one Monday after work and heard the deejay talking about the next day’s Mardi Gras festivities.

Crap, I thought, It’s almost Ash Wednesday, and I still don’t know what I’m doing for Lent. I pondered this on the drive home. What activity could I give up for six and a half weeks? I didn’t know.

I gave it some thought, but on Wednesday, I still didn’t have a plan. This frustrated me, because I felt that Lent was significant; I just didn’t know how to observe it in a meaningful way. I called my mom that afternoon and talked about it with her.

She suggested, “How about this: Every day, look in the mirror and say to yourself, ‘I am deeply loved by Jesus.’”

It didn’t seem very much like a Lenten practice … but I decided to take her advice, and I spent Lent focusing on God’s love. It was an incredible experience, because I learned that, after all, Lent is all about God’s love.

It is good to remember Jesus’ suffering; his sacrifice was no small thing. But it is so, so important to remember the context. God gave his Son because he loved the world so much. Jesus endured the cross willingly, because of the joy set before him. God didn’t suffer for us so that he could hold it over our heads and make us feel guilty. He did it to wash us clean of all guilt. That is the kind of God he is. He loves us.

I think there is value in fasting and in giving things up. But it needs to be in the context of God’s love and grace. That’s what our faith is about.

Some other blog posts that grew out of my experiences during Lent last year:

A Beginning

Recommended Reading: The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus


After Christmas – The Time Being

December 31, 2009

My favorite after-Christmas poem is W.H. Auden’s “The Flight into Egypt.” It talks about Mary and Joseph fleeing through the desert with their baby son. And it talks about putting away Christmas decorations, about heading back to work, and about the tedious stretch of time in the Church calendar between Christmas and Lent. I wish I could post a link to the whole poem, but I can’t find it in its entirety online. Here is the last part:

NARRATOR

…. In the meantime

There are bills to be paid, machines to keep in repair,

Irregular verbs to learn, the Time Being to redeem

From insignificance. The happy morning is over,

The night of agony still to come; the time is noon:

When the Spirit must practice his scales of rejoicing

Without even a hostile audience, and the Soul endure

A silence that is neither for nor against her faith

That God’s Will will be done, that, in spite of her prayers,

God will cheat no one, not even the world of its triumph.

CHORUS

He is the Way.

Follow Him through the Land of Unlikeness;

You will see rare beasts, and have unique adventures.

He is the Truth.

Seek Him in the Kingdom of Anxiety;

You will come to a great city that has expected your return for years.

He is the Life.

Love Him in the World of the Flesh;

And at your marriage all its occasions shall dance for joy.

I love the anticipation of Advent and the celebration of Christmas. But afterwards, I take down the decorations and return to ordinary life, and it turns out it’s the middle of winter. So I always feel a bit sad during the last days of December. And this year, more than usual, the New Year ahead looks vague and uncertain. The final chorus of Auden’s poem has become something of a mantra for me. It reminds me that, like this season of the year, adventures contain both the ordinary and the unknown. It reminds me that I want to keep following Jesus and see what adventures may come.

So here’s to following, seeking, and loving the Way, the Truth, and the Life in the coming year. I hope to see rare beasts and have unique adventures in 2010. Hope you do too. Happy New Year!


Here Be Monsters

October 21, 2009

210361_halloween_pumpkin_2I have been thinking lately about what makes a good story and why stories matter. A few weeks ago, I was at a writing conference where a speaker named Brian McDonald addressed this topic. He said we tell stories because they contain survival information.

This makes a ton of sense to me, because I think that a key element of a good story – the book you can’t put down, the movie you can’t turn away from – is a sense of danger. And danger stories teach us how to survive.

This is probably an overly simple formula, but I think it holds true for the most part:

Danger + Characters You Care About = A Great Story.

The second part of the formula is as important as the first. The following formula is just as valid:

Danger + Cardboard Characters = I Don’t Care.

This is why I dislike most action movies; the characters are not that interesting. But when fully realized characters are in great danger, I’m at the edge of my seat. And that is why I love good fantasy and science fiction. Because in good sci-fi and fantasy, as in all good literature, the characters seem real. They compel us to care about what happens to them (even if we don’t like them). I particularly love sci-fi and fantasy, because the dangers that characters face can connect with deepest parts of our imagination and get in touch with our most primal fears.

And this brings me to monsters. Because if stories contain survival information, then the monsters and villains of sci-fi and fantasy teach me how to survive my fears. These stories show me that fear’s greatest tactic is deception. If I can identify deceit in the words and actions of Screwtape, Darth Vader, or Coraline’s other mother, I am better able to recognize the tactics of deception in real life.

Monsters also warn us of what we might become. Gollum was once a creature much like a hobbit. Darth Vader was once Anakin Skywalker, Jedi knight. Their stories teach us how to avoid their fate and stay human. They remind us that our decisions determine who we will be.

So if you find me digging into monster stories around Halloween-time, it doesn’t mean I’m going over to the Dark Side; I’m just gathering survival information – and enjoying some well-told tales.

1041773_dragonRemember this:

“Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.”      

– G.K. Chesterton


Ye Olde Library Carde

September 30, 2009

I lost my wallet on an airplane two weeks ago. This meant I had to cancel my credit cards and apply for a new driver’s license. It has been a minor hassle, but I am grateful that no money was charged to my accounts. All in all, it could have been a lot worse.

There was one item in that wallet, though, that was truly priceless. I have been using the same library card since I was eight years old, and that card was lost along with my wallet. It was just a beige piece of plastic with a barcode and my signature carefully written in newly-learned cursive, but it was my first library card. It is a little piece of history that I will miss.

I love libraries. I particularly love the public library that is a five-minute walk from my home. It is the same library where I attended preschool story-time as a four-year-old. It is the library where I received my first library card. Next time I go in, I will have to request a new library card, and that makes me a little sad.  76167_books

I mentioned my mini-tragedy to both of my sisters on separate occasions. I thought the significance might be lost on them. After all, it’s just a card. But they understood completely.

“That is so sad,” Lindsey said when I told her. Stephanie’s response was similar. It is wonderful to have understanding siblings who care enough to mourn the loss of an 18-year-old library card with me. I am so thankful for them.

I am also thankful for the library. I guess it’s time to start making new library memories with a new card.


I know I’m not a hopeless case

August 22, 2009

My 5-year-old friend Caleb loves the song “Beautiful Day” by U2. He goes around singing like a rock star, “It’s a beautiful day – skafuldjifeelak! It’s a beautiful day!”  

The first time I heard him, I laughed, “I’m never quite sure what Bono is saying right there either.”  

Caleb gave me a patronizing look and replied slowly and clearly, “He says, ‘It’s a beautiful day, ska-ful-dji-fee-lak.’”  

I can’t argue with you, Caleb.

Later I went home and looked in the CD liner. Turns out the lyrics are, “It’s a beautiful day, the sky falls and you feel like it’s a beautiful day.” So, pretty close.

I love the song too: it’s a true rock song. I have it on CD, but I especially love it when I hear it on the radio. The heartbeat pulse at the beginning always makes my own heart leap with hope. But for me the best part of the song is the line, “I know I’m not a hopeless case.” I need that affirmation. I need to believe that I can change, that God will complete the good work he’s started in me.

Once, when struggling to find hope for myself, I wrote this chorus:                 

               You fear that you’ll only repeat the same scene,

               Or roll like a stone to the doom that you dread –               

               The future you see when you look straight ahead.

               But you don’t have to be what you always have been.

This is essential to what I believe: I am not a hopeless case. Neither are you.

********

In the interest of sharing the hope, here is U2 performing “Beautiful Day.” Enjoy!

By the way, if you’re not sure you like U2 – if they’re too epic/mainstream/popular for you – I’d recommend watching one of their concerts on DVD, because they just might change your mind. They are at their best live.


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